I will start by saying that what I am about to share with you may trigger existential thoughts or emotions that you may not have known you had. If you are sensitive to topics on spirituality, existence, and the meaning of life, this might be a post to put away for another day and time.
For those of you who are curious, I will continue by sharing most but not all of the messages I received from my very first Ayahuasca ceremony from 6 months ago. Even though I completed the ceremony 6 months ago and had another ceremony more recently (about 3 months ago now), I am just beginning to piece all of the details together. The plant medicine, Mama Aya, as I like to call it, is working through me so that I am able to share my experience with you.*
Because there were so many visions, insights, and messages that I received, I will break it down in parts and try to recreate the journey through my words. Although there are no words to truly describe the feelings I felt, I will do my best. Each section will end with a brief summary for those who are short on time, and if you're someone who would prefer to watch about the experience rather than read it, I made a video here.
Some people might ask, "What if all of this is a lie?", "What's the point?"
My answer to them is, if this is all a lie, then the truth is still out there and I encourage you to find yours. What do you have to lose?
In the Beginning
After being at the Shamanas home for about an hour, I took my first dose of the medicine. It didn’t taste as bad as I thought it would, but for someone who isn't use to natural medicine, it could very well be the worst taste you've ever had. Putting this aside, I was more concerned with hallucinating and whether or not I was going to puke everywhere. The latter never happened. In fact, I had to take a second dose because nothing happened within the first 45 minutes of the first does (this is usually the case if its your first time). The last physical thing I remember just before the Shamana said "The Medicine Says Hello" was seeing my hands, and thinking "Wow, I really chose this body and this life how beautiful". Just like in Avatar.
As a side note, I will be referencing a few movies throughout this post because it will show you how much the media puts this right in front of people without them even realizing it.
Just as the medicine began to kick in and I noticed my body becoming heavier and heavier, I began to be swept away by the ceremonial music that the Shamana was playing. Im not sure at what point she stopped playing her instruments and started her spotify playlist or if I hallucinated all of this, but the music took me to a place I never wanted to leave. A place where I experienced all my senses at once. I could smell the notes, taste the sounds, feel the words, see the frequencies, and hear the Love. The Love was so strong like a warm blanket hugging me the way I remember my great grandmother doing. I felt so safe and so loved. Im not sure what my body was doing at this time, but I was so overwhelmed with the beauty of it all that I felt tears leaving every single pore of my being.
The words of the song were all in Spanish, which before this, I had a very basic understanding of. However, in this moment, I had an inner knowing of what each word meant. It was as if I knew the language all along…The message they gave me in the form of the most beautiful incantation (canción) that I've ever heard was "You know the path, you know the way, follow your heart, listen to your heart…". I can't remember the exact words, but the essence of the message stuck with me. Some might call this following your intuition.
After this, they showed me my first "Pinta" or vision. I saw my hands again. Like I was watching a movie from the main characters point of view. I was outside and there seemed to be so much chaos around me, but I felt very calm. Looking down, I reached with my hand, and touched the earth. As soon as that happened, there was a bright illumination of light coming from my hand and into the ground, and a plant began to grow.
I remember this being the 'aha' moment that we all are constantly in search of. It was in this moment that I saw my true calling, my propisito mejor as my later Shamana calls it.
Just as quickly as the vision came it left, I was then taken on a literal journey through the cosmos and shown the inner workings of the universe. I saw how everything comes back to frequency and vibration. We have the ability to change this at any moment in time, and I am here to share the tools on how to raise the vibrations of humanity.
Summary
Remember that everything comes back to sound and frequency, and love is the highest frequency. This is where the basis of my light formula came from. We must actively raise our vibrations at all times.
I saw how everything is truly connected.
I saw how ive been guided and following my intuition all along.
I saw my true calling; healing the world through plants & nature. Getting back to our roots, literally.
I saw how plants were going to save all of us. Clean up the earth. Clean up our bodies so more and more people can experience this source energy
I felt what it was like to be one with the source, it was beautiful. I wanted to stay there forever. I didn’t have a body or anything. Just my essence, my light.
In the Middle
This is where the beauty began to fade, or at least that’s what I thought in the moment. I felt this intense pressure building up in my body, but I was observing it from above. In the moment that I surrendered to this feeling, the most beautiful thing happened, I experienced a physical death. I began to breathe with the universe. Each inhale I got to experience what we would consider a lifetime. I saw reels of the best moments of other lives as if I lived it. And on each exhale, I experienced what it was like to be with source. Dancing and singing as a beam of light, with the frequencies, where time nor space exists.
They then took me to a much smaller scale, and in this vision, I was sitting in a chair. With a remote in my hand. Around me were walls of what I thought were movies, but I later found out that it was a representation of us choosing whatever experience we want to have. We hold the remote control to our life. We are the director, the producer, and the main characters.
I would have a thought and suddenly the movie I was watching would change. For many days after my ceremony, I couldn’t tell whether or not I had watched a movie or lived it, but this is how closely related this experience is to any movie that we watch. I encourage you to really observe yourself next time you watch a movie, do you feel like that could be your life? It can be, if you want.
This is where things began to turn. The next set of visions they gave me felt like a true warning or wakeup call. If you are not aware of the concept I mentioned above, you can easily become susceptible to the many distractions, false beliefs, systems, matrix's, and vices placed in your psyche to distract you from your true self. If you have not done shadow work, you are more likely to be a victim of this phenomenon. When I refer to "they", I mean the forces that are aware of this and use it in unfavorable ways to control a mass population like they do here on Earth.
This looks like liquor stores in minority communities, addictive processed foods, pornography, drugs, violent wars, the news, consumer debt, and anything that pushes you more into a lower frequency. All of this has to do with evoking fear and keeping people in their primal instincts causing them not to see the beauty above the chaos.
Summary
I felt what it was like to die. I was shown how each lifetime is like a simple breath of air. On a cosmic level, we breath in one life and breath out another. That’s how dense it is here. So dense to the point where one lifetime seems really long but in reality its just one breath. There is so much beauty in this when we are made aware of it. Think of it like Avatar. You are just transferring Avatars and experiencing all facets of being in this universe.
This explains the concept of soulmates, which I will make a separate post on in the near future.
I saw how exactly we create our own reality with our thoughts and our words.
Yes we are living in "The Matrix", but its meant to be a fun experience. Think of it as a movie and you are writing the script as you go along. Or a video game, but you know all the cheat codes.
People come here and get trapped by the many vices and psychological prisons imposed from birth, source is waiting for them to wake up and help the others that are stuck.
Fun fact. Something I was shown on my most recent mushroom trip: EARTH, BIRTH, and BREATH are all the same word. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Even though the english language is so flawed, this is probably the one thing they didn’t fuck up.
I saw how we must all be aware and able to live WITH our shadow side.
Life is measured in meaningful experiences not years.
In the End
I was so happy that Mama Aya showed me the beauty before the madness. This was the toughest part of the journey for me. I remember just holding that reminder of what it felt like to be wrapped in Love. And no matter what, Love is always with me.
This is where I saw my life and everyone who played a part in it. Their importance, their contribution, their struggles and blockages. As the visions were showing me the generational traps imposed on the family and relationships that I chose, I took on their pain and sorrow. I began to purge, emotionally purge. The most challenging vision I had was seeing what it feels like to be trapped in a negative thought pattern, and how one negative thought lead to another. The cycle felt never ending. It was at this point of the journey that I had decided to give up rather than surrender. I felt like I had been buried alive by my own thoughts. Does this sound familiar?
When I decided to give up, I felt my body drifting away into a very dark place… I was prepared to stay there forever. Until, I heard my name. I started to wake up. Outside, there was a storm, with the most intense lighting and thunder. I felt bad because I knew I had caused this. This lighting and thunder happening in the 3D reality was a representation of the storm that I created with my thoughts.
When I opened my eyes, around the Shamana was a beam of light. Her light along with her Shamanic chanting and incantations, brought me right back to source, back to Love. She saved me. Looking back on it, I now know that I had to experience this to know what its like for the many people who have become trapped in this dark thought pattern. This is where "Light of Kai" came from.
It took me several hours to come back to my body, because where I had been, there was no need for it. As I ate some medicinal leaves and drank some electrolytes, the Shamana gave me a brief summary of what I had experienced. None of it made sense to me at the time. But she did leave me with, "You have a lot of work to do, now you can get it done".
Summary
I got to see how generational blockages have been affecting me and my family for a long time.
I saw how connected creative people are to the source. Having a direct channel to this source is what allows us to do some of the most magical, life altering things we've ever done.
If you've ever seen the Disney movie Soul, they're pretty spot on. I encourage you to watch it again, but this time, with all of your eyes.
I saw the important roles that everyone in my life plays and the role that I play in theirs.
I saw how I'm meant to pull people out of their darkness out of the never ending cycle of thought and pull them towards their light.
I saw the beauty of human connection and how it brings people out of their darkness.
This all might seem a bit overwhelming to be exposed to all at once, but I assure you it was done in a way where I felt guided and given the information only when I was able to receive it. Not once did this experience feel too overwhelming for me. The key is to surrender. Allow the medicine to show you what you couldn’t or didn’t see. Prioritize your integration process with those who are qualified to help. Soon, I will be sharing the insights from my second ceremony, I promise this one was nothing like the first, but in the best ways possible. It showed me the true meaning of feminine energy. I look forward to sharing.
*DISCLAIMER:
Being called to take Ayahuasca is a personal spiritual journey and should not be taken lightly. I was first called to Ayahuasca about 5 years before I took it for the first time. To prepare for my first ceremony, I participated in several healing practices such as: past- life regressions, hypnosis, yoga, reiki, mind body cleanse, and shadow work. Remember that each experience is unique to what the individual needs so my experience will not be the same as yours.
Peace & Love,
Kai 🧡
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